Words of advice from West Hartford’s ‘The Date Doctor,’ who is now blogging on We-Ha.com!

By Jaimy Blazynski

People argue all the time.

Submitted image.

I have been married 10 years and we have some great arguments! It doesn’t really matter who is right most of the time (although it is me). What matters is that it is constructive and everyone feels respected. Here are the stupid things that people say that can really just destroy an argument.

1. You didn’t apologize correctly. Many times someone will apologize to keep the peace and move on. Usually that person is the stronger person and you should be thankful they are able to do this. Obviously if they say “sorry but you are a complete idiot” you won’t accept it. But if they say they are sorry take it and move on.
2. You don’t even know what you did wrong. This is a woman usually yelling at a man. Typically men don’t know or understand what they did wrong. And many times they did nothing wrong. I know I have flipped out at my husband a ton of times and realized I was just reacting to my own anxiety at the moment. If he really doesn’t know just tell him. If he still doesn’t get it then accept that maybe this is something he will never get. Is it worth leaving him? If not just let it go!
3. I will NEVER forgive you for this. Before you say something so stupid like this be sure you have been cheated on, hit, lied to or disrespected in an extreme way. If you are really going to never forgive him it is fine to say. Just go pack your bags and move on with your life. But if this argument is over something you will get through don’t throw these words out. They just create excess drama!
4. Wait until I tell. It is a ridiculous threat to say you are going to tell your best friend or family member. All that proves is that someone that is loyal to you is going to tell you what a jerk you are dating. Then you create ongoing animosity between your best friend and your spouse. What happens when you are ready to forgive and they are not? This is especially difficult when you have exaggerated the whole story.
5. You are too sensitive. This one is for the guys. And you are right! We often are too sensitive. But I can promise you that saying this is likely going to make your girl even more upset. If your intent is to deescalate the situation just let her get the rant out. Know that she might be PMS and don’t take it too personally.
6. You will never change. The reality is that some people may not change. And I can assure you that yelling at someone is a very ineffective way to help someone change. Sometimes we just have to accept people as they are or make a decision to walk away.

While writing this blog I was trying think of the last argument I had with my husband. I believe he complained that I park too close to the middle of the driveway and he can’t fit his car in. His words were “perhaps you would like to park sideways in our driveway?” I began to come up with a bunch of stupid excuses about having the kids and groceries in the car. I stopped myself and simply told him he was right. Next time I parked my car I got out and noticed it was in the middle of the driveway. I moved it. Sometimes if we can just stop and entertain the possibility of being wrong we can save ourselves a future argument.