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One Mom’s View … Trying Too Hard, Part 2

Adria Giordano and her daughters enjoying a shopping trip in Newport. Courtesy photo

Thoughts and ruminations about being a working mom, raising two daughters, and being Italian … while trying to maintain my sanity and organized closets. (My husband’s laugh, red wine, and ironing make me happy.)

By Adria Giordano

Six years ago, I was accused of “trying too hard” to be the perfect mom. I say accused because that is exactly what it felt like. It was a comment made by a close family relative and it stung. Boy did it sting. Especially because it was in reference to trying to be the perfect mom. Like that is a BAD THING. I wrote about how upset this made me, how raw it left me and how I was only trying to do what was best for my family at the time.

I honestly don’t think this person meant to upset me. It was a snarky comment at the time, but wow. I can still remember the sadness, hurt and almost desperate plea for understanding I felt at that time. I was juggling work, two young daughters, volunteer commitments and being a wife, daughter, sister, and friend. I was doing what I needed to do to create special memories and a loving home for my family. Which, yes, meant creating mother-daughter days, streamer-filled bedrooms for birthdays and sometimes baking a gluten-free cupcake for my daughter’s friend at 11 p.m. so she could give it to him at school the next day.

As parents, I think we do all we can to ensure our family feels loved, valued and safe. As a mother, I think it is part of my DNA to go the extra mile and create special memories for my girls. It’s something my mother did, and something I am passing down.

Fast forward and my daughters are now 15 and 17 and have begun implementing many of the traditions I began when they were young. In fact, they love these traditions. They pretend to be asleep as I step all over their bed hanging paper streamers the night before their birthday and Mother-Daughter days are still our favorite. But even more important, is that they have shared with me how they have such wonderful memories of growing up in our home, and all the special memories we created throughout the years.

At 51, I don’t feel the need to defend my parenting style anymore. I have created new traditions, new memories, and yes, am still baking at 11 p.m. sometimes, and I LOVE IT.

I think we all need to take a step back, as moms, and as parents, and do whatever we feel is right. No matter what anyone says. And can’t we all just stop criticizing? It’s tough enough to raise children these days, without having to feel judged. I wish I had the confidence back then when I was juggling a young family to not feel as if trying too hard was a bad thing.

I love the family my husband and I created, and to be honest, if “trying to hard” helped to create this family, then I absolutely, without-a-doubt did the right thing.

Adria Giordano describes herself as a mom, wife, fundraiser, party planner, and blogger. She is a currently the director of development and communications for Chrysalis Center in Hartford, CT. She lives in West Hartford with her husband, two teenage daughters, mother-in-law, and mini goldendoodle puppy.

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